Today has been the most interesting day. Before I even got to work, I cried the whole way there not because I didn’t want to go, but for several reasons. I know that I haven’t kept up with my blog, and I send out my deepest apologies. I am ready to talk about the past couple of weeks now. I guess I can start with today and how I am feeling.
The reason I am so upset today is for many different reasons. I think what broke the camel’s back was reading about a man from my hometown who was found dead after being declared “missing” for a week. I have a really good friend who was close to this man, which made me incredibly emotional. While I did not know him personally, I was devastated especially because I realized that I am living a completely separate life here in Columbus versus my home in Columbia. I have lost touch with some of the most important people in my life. It’s challenging to stay connected with people who are three states away plus on a different time zone (not that an hour is a big difference). I definitely do not regret coming to Columbus; in fact, I would HATE myself if I didn’t come. I will go more into this in a second. I know earlier on, I posted an entry about the importance of community. I actually thought about a sermon I heard from Judah Smith at Passion Conference. During his sermon, Judah eventually mentions Shark Week. During a particular episode, a team tests a theory that a single prey is far more likely to be attacked by a great white shark versus a pack. The team throws out a plastic seal and the great white shark destroys it. The host concludes that their theory was indeed correct: if you are in shark-infested waters, you ought to stay together in a pack. You are far less likely to be attacked. Smith states, “I don’t think its by chance, I don’t think its strange that even in nature that we are pointed to the power and significance of community. All you got to do is turn on the Discovery Channel.” See the link here to view the entire sermon. I would compare moving to an entirely new state to shark-infested waters. That’s not to say that Columbus and its inhabitants are out to get me. However, not having people who love you, mentor you, and care for you around, is difficult. I didn’t think it would this hard. I’ve always been the girl with big city dreams who wanted to move as far away as possible. Now, that still hasn’t changed. I have experienced the consequences, both positive and negative, of moving away. It is all a part of growing up though. For my first round of advice for anyone looking for an internship or a job out of state here goes. I highly suggest going for it! No seriously. I could never replace my time here in Columbus at VS. I have learned so many things, and I feel like I have developed as a person in more than one way. I have definitely come to appreciate the ones I love even more. I challenge you to break out of your comfort zone and explore; the world is yours to do so! However, do not forget the bonds you have made and definitely don’t burn any bridges along the way. I’m excited to return home to be with my community, who love and support me. I just know that for the next time I move away, I will know what to expect. I’m extremely grateful that I was only gone for two months this time around versus forever gone. I definitely know that I will be prepared for what lies ahead. This experience has definitely led me to believe that wherever I go, I have to plug myself in somewhere. I must engage myself in the community and find somewhere to belong. I think everyone has a need of belonging. We want to belong to someone. And while I know I belong to someone way bigger than me, it is important to stay grounded with people who support you, too. I cannot discount the friendships I have established here in Columbus; however, they are not as deep as the ones back home. However, it was incredibly apparent how much my fellow interns care about me. I left my desk on Monday knowing I was thought of; one of the interns left me a cute post-it note. She is so thoughtful.
What else had me upset today you may ask? The most trivial things actually got to me. While I won’t go into heavy detail, I will say that I spent the weekend cuddled under my covers watching Lost. I was sick on Sunday and mad on Saturday. It’s amazing how I let stupid earthly things get to me (like Panera not having bread bowls!!). It was also the birthday of someone whom I dearly love yesterday. I haven’t seen her in about six months, and I spent a good amount of time reflecting on my friendship with her yesterday. Needless to say, my emotions were heavy thinking about her.
While my internship isn’t quite over yet, I have had one volatile experience but in all the right ways. While I can’t completely evaluate it, as it hasn’t come to an end, I can firmly say that my expectations were not met. In contrast, my expectations were blown out of the water. I was given so much more. I have had my ups and downs. I hit rock bottom, a place where I am unfamiliar. I actually felt like the survivors on Lost: alone, confused, and afraid. But since then, it’s been an upward climb. I think the volatility of my internship hit me like a brick today. Emotions flooded my heart in the most profound way possible. Knowing that I only have two more weeks also scared me. It is difficult to write exactly what I’m thinking or why I was so upset today, but it was all for good reason. I think it is safe to say that I am very glad for everything. I am sincerely grateful. I think my advice here is to make the most of your circumstances. You must be resilient, and you must stay positive. These two attitudes don’t necessarily come easily. Have courage. Have trust. Have faith.
I had to walk away from my internship today and spend some time alone to reflect. I went to Columbus’ Garden of Roses and read. For some reason, a particular verse in Pslam stuck out to me. Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” I have my thoughts about this verse, but I wait patiently to receive the true message. I will say this much: it definitely makes me glad. It provides me with hope. It definitely gives me strength. I’m ready to finish strong, the race set out before me.